Some people describe themselves as serial monogamists. I suppose that could apply to me. When I fall in love, I fall hard and by the time I come up for air, the water's deep and I'm usually in over my head. By the way, did I mention I can't swim?
After multiple marriages and repeated cycles of divorce drama, I came to the realization that I am the only one on this planet who will never leave me nor forsake me.
Judith Viorst, in her book Necessary Losses, promoted the idea that the first half of life is about acquisition and the second half is about letting go.
In my twenties I acquired 2 husbands and 3 children. In my forties I managed to find two more husbands and experience the joy of blended families.
All I ever wanted was a 50th wedding anniversary like my parents had. Please understand that I did not want their patriarchal marriage, I just wanted the accolades of making it together that long.
Do you think in church when they ask who has been married longest, they're looking for 'to one person' or a cumulative total? Shit - even combined I can only lay claim to 37 years of marital conjugation. Now if we were talking about married in the biblical sense, I could probably make it work.
My timing was always a little off. I married too soon and stayed too long. Every time. Every woman I have interviewed about the divorce experience affirms one thing: We know in our deepest soul when it is time to let go. The problem is, we rarely follow our heart the first time we know for sure this isn't working.
Here’s a tip I stumbled on that I wish every woman with diamond wedding rings knew about. There is a website out there that is not a scam to help women like me resell fine jewelry (and no, I don’t get a spiff for recommending them). www.worthy.com was respectful, honest and prompt in dealings and delivery of services before, during and after the sale. Start to finish it took only eight days and funded my travel for the rest of the year. It was a win-win.
My last step was to repurpose the smaller diamonds by gifting them to be reset for loved ones. In fact, I got rid of every gift of jewelry from every previous love of my lifetime in order to start fresh.
This week I bought myself the beautiful ring you see above and repeated the vows I have so faithfully taken in times past. Only this time, I am the object of my affection. With this ring, I Me Wed. And I vow to give myself all the love, attention, pleasure, compassion and acceptance I have cheerfully bestowed on the husbands and children who have had the pleasure of my company.
Why? Because I'm worth it. And so are you.
What advice would you give a friend who is in the process of moving on after a divorce? Do you wish you had done it sooner? Please join the conversation.
Kim is a career coach for women in transition.