 Do you know someone who is afraid to dream? Afraid to pursue their heart's desire? Afraid of what people might say or think or do?
Have you seen people who don't know what they really want out of life? It seems like they knew where they were going once, but have lost their way, and now lack the confidence to proceed? Do you or someone you know suffer from failure to launch? You're filled with hopes and dreams. You even have great ideas for how to get started, but lack the focus to bring those dreams to fruition? I can help because I've been there myself. More than once. I can guide you through your unique "disqualifiers" to a place of courage and competence. Living your Dreams without Drama requires 3 things:
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 One of the most perplexing questions in six months of daily "What If" emails turned out to be "What if...you could make one dream come true? Which one matters the most to you?"
It's a straightforward question that makes women squirm. Many intelligent, successful women couldn't answer the question and some were afraid to try. Everyone has hopes and dreams. Sometimes we trade childish dreams for adult pursuits. Sometimes we are coerced into it by well-meaning parents or spouses. Sometimes life happens and our most cherished dreams are stolen from us without our consent. Do you remember a time when you didn't stop yourself from imagining? A time when you believed anything was possible? Is your story one of a dream realized or a dream deferred?  If you are codependent you may have trouble leading others and building a cohesive team because you need their approval or their permission. Instead you may hold yourself back so they feel comfortable.
My experience with leadership is that it contains one part each of character, ability, and faith. While techniques can be picked up along the way to enhance skills, I always recognize a certain “je ne sais quoi” essence about leaders I admire. Authentic leadership involves a rock-solid understanding of who you are, belief in the foundational goodness of others (even in the face of evidence to the contrary), and an enduring optimism and faith that all your efforts will eventually come to fruition. Leaders sell – themselves, their ideas, and the emotional benefits of following. Every day, workers are confronted with the stereotype that women 'take care' and men 'take charge.' Any great leader is a visionary. I truly believe that without a vision, the people perish. (Proverbs 29:18). A good vision is compelling and draws people to follow. Without people who follow, you cannot lead. Richard Schubert, Red Cross Director, said “How you attract and motivate people determines your success as a leader.” Are you frustrated that your leadership is being resisted? Make a clarity call today at 509-593-4989.  Have you ever felt betrayed by a friend? Judged unfairly by someone else? Unfavorably compared to a sibling? Did you learn that women can't be trusted? What about your mother? Or your sister? Or yourself? Geneen Roth, author of Women Food and God writes about trusting yourself with food. Trust. Trust Yourself. Trust Yourself with Choices. Trust Yourself with Men. Trust Yourself with Women. Trust Yourself with God. Trust Yourself with Food. We all learn - and lead - by example. Whose example are you following today? Girls rival each other. Women revive each other.  When does a healthy approach to fitness become obsessive or problematic? When you find yourself doing any of these things:
● Skipping meals ● Making excuses for not eating ● Eating only a few certain “safe” foods ● Adopting rigid meal or eating rituals ● Cooking elaborate meals for others, but refusing to eat them yourself ● Collecting recipes ● Withdrawing from normal social activities ● Persistent worry about being fat or gaining weight ● A distorted body image, such as feeling fat despite being normal- or underweight ● Not wanting to eat in public ● Frequent checking in the mirror for perceived flaws ● Repeatedly eating large amounts of sweet or high fat foods ● Use of syrup of ipecac, laxatives, the over the counter weightloss drug orlistat (Alli). ● Use of dietary supplements or herbal products for weight loss ● Food hoarding ● Eating in secret --from Mayo Clinic, Signs of Disordered Eating  One theme that I see over and over in these daily Q&A's is that you wouldn't change one thing - even your most painful memories - because you truly have fallen in love with the woman you have become.
We have developed what some call Negative Capability. That is the ability to sit with uncertainties, mysteries and doubts without chasing after facts and reason. Sometimes, life just is. And it is perfect in the moment.
What have you learned along the way? |
Kim HalseyKim is a career coach for women in transition. Archives
December 2018
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