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Every new person or circumstance represents uncharted waters to your psyche. Your body scans the environment for threats and your mind gets to work analyzing the data flooding in from all your senses.
Whether you’re changing doctors, partners, jobs or cities - the process is the same. I approach new relationships as an ocean of infinite possibilities. We present ourselves to each other in bulletpoints. Best foot forward. Approach with caution in all cases, both personally and professionally.
On approach, scan the surface for presence, personality and pitfalls. Does this look like a fit? How does it feel? First impressions are truly lasting impressions and seconds matter. Are the waters calm or is there a storm on the horizon? Is it worth exploring?
TEST THE WATERS
We put our toes in first to see how the water feels. It’s usually a brief encounter with clear boundaries. That could mean a screening call for employment, a text conversation through a dating app, or a free consultation with an attorney.
You show up and your body leads the way in this temperature check. Is the water too hot? Too cold? Polluted from past experiences? Cluttered with debris? Brackish with sarcasm?
This check can happen in seconds to hours but it’s definitely a one and done opportunity. You will know instinctively if this is a go or no-go situation for you. Trust your gut.
SPLASHING IN THE SHALLOWS
With feet firmly planted and ready to run at the first sign of danger, you share space and practice the art of conversation. Consider this the play date. No commitments, no expectations, no harm, no foul.
Where are you from? What brought you here? Where do you hope to be in five years? Generic get acquainted Q and A session.
The water is appealing in the sunlight. This stage is represented by the first interview, first date, or first visit with a new provider.
Both parties decide to trust the natural buoyancy of nature coupled with our swimming skills to look more closely at what’s just beneath the surface. Our protective minds know we can navigate the waters safely enough to stand up and walk out if we don’t like what we see.
BEWARE OF RIP-OFF TIDES
Fun fact: we can’t think and feel at the same time. Now that you’ve had your fun and a chance to catch your breath, your entire being gets involved in analyzing the data and creating the story you will tell yourself about why you choose to stay or go.
You examine the evidence of your senses and automatically search your memory banks for the last time you saw, heard, smelled or felt something similar. Then you feel emotions associated with those past people or actions.
This is where you can get ripped off by your own thought process. If fear rises, it will keep you small and hidden in order to keep you safe from what could possibly be unhealed grief.
If that doesn’t derail you, then your brain engages again to compare and contrast those past experiences to your real-time encounter and ultimately assign it a meaning.
Our divine nature knows the truth of creation. We are the authors and co-creators of the story that becomes our life. It is our human nature that limits us to the drama roles of hero, persecutor, or victim in an often misguided attempt to keep us safe and in control.
The ripoff to worry about isn’t the one out there. Be careful of the rip tide within that threatens to sweep you out to an unforgiving sea of regrets.
Nobody goes deep sea diving without proper instruction and equipment, unless they have a death wish. The same holds true in personal and business relations. It’s called doing due diligence before investing your one precious life into a new venture. We all
know barracudas swim deep in the shadows.
What you want is certainty. Spoiler alert: you can’t find that out there. It’s an inside job. You are either confident enough to believe you can navigate the deep or you are not. Mutual respect and success in any endeavor comes from a place of abundance, not lack. What are you bringing to the table?
The sequencing of events is critical to a successful outcome. When your heart and mind are in alignment then get naked and be free to enjoy the moment, every moment, as long as it lasts.
Life is too short for regrets.
Kim Halsey is an entrepreneur living in the leap from the life she was programmed to live into the life of her dreams.