How would you complete this sentence: Home is…
…where the heart is?
…where I grew up?
…where my family is?
…where I go to dream?

on the last day of Domestic Violence Awareness month, try this:
…Home is where I feel safe, loved and respected…
May you find the love of your life inside your own heart first.
only then can you love others as yourself and everybody wins.

​please add your comments below.

The free world is trying to open up, the frightened world is trying to keep us small.  Is that really so different than any other circumstance we have encountered in this life?

Take, for example, divorce.  Part of you wants to break free, part of you is afraid to be judged for making a decision.  We forget that no decision IS a decision and that the things we complain about actually control us.  
​
What if we stop complaining and baby-step our way into the life we've always dreamed of.  
Is that even possible?

As a retired woman who has weathered multiple children, marriages, divorces, and dream jobs I have come to understand that all neurosis is merely (but not so easily) the result of ungrieved losses.  By pretending it didn't happen or it doesn't hurt or it doesn't impact us, we throw ourselves into another king of illusion.  Some people are calling that toxic positivity these days.  The happy face that denies the pain underneath as though it is the portrait of strength when, in fact, the foundation is crumbling.  It is only a matter of time until the seen matches the unseen.

Sixty and Me published a few articles I wrote several years ago as I grappled with ambiguous loss - mastering the delicate are of knowing when to hold on and when to let go.  My lived experience post-pandemic has made that message even more impactful today.  Click the link and have a read.  Respond here if you find value.

Turns out the thing I miss the most about pandemic restrictive living is spontaneity.  The best days are stolen days.  The best adventures include the unexpected, spur-of-the-moment side trips.  This year has imposed the unexpected alright, none of which was my choosing.  Unexpected exposures to Covid-19.  Unplanned trips to the clinic for testing.  Unwanted and sometimes unwarranted social distancing out of an abundance of caution.  I miss my 'fly by the seat of your pants' life - especially in retirement.

I cannot wait to jump on a plane without restriction.  It would be heaven to call up a friend for coffee and actually hold a face-to-face, heart-to-heart conversation.  The day when we can take a road trip without concern for hotel protocols or wearing masks on a hike beckons me.  

Bonding with a new love during pandemic was awesome, but not real life we hope.  Real life means extended family, large gatherings, learning each others' ways in social settings.  It is the next step in a deepening love that I welcome.

​How would you answer Dan Rather's question of the day:  When the vaccine has fully come, when hopefully this scourge has receded, what can you not wait to do? 

A new habit graduated to the level of addiction this year. Drama Addiction.

The World Health Organization defined addiction as a pathological relationship with a mood-altering substance, event, or thing that persists psychotically and has life damaging consequences.

​Well into the global pandemic, people experienced unprecedented change in routines, livelihoods and relationships. Without the usual avenues of distraction via shopping, sports, or socialization, many turned to social media for relief.

As people began to rely on digital media for communication, true connection and authenticity faded. Loneliness, relapse and suicide skyrocketed. Domestic violence and mental health issues rose in direct proportion to social distancing and the uncertainty that accompanied a pandemic of this proportion.

By design, gaming and social media create a perceived need for more. They want people to keep coming back. The body can release endorphins 100 times more powerful than morphine in process addictions such as gambling, sex, gaming, and doomscrolling.

You can be dependent on the next Facebook fix without ever ingesting a substance. Drama addiction is a sick connection that allows you to escape legitimate grief by giving you a place outside yourself to focus, compare, or vent so you feel better or at least less alone.

Once hooked, the phenomenon of craving develops and the life damaging consequences begin to pile up. Less sleep, less time, less productivity, and less energy for real life interactions. As it progresses, the user feels increasingly more restless, irritable and discontent as they compare their lives to the fantasy highlight reel. Jobs suffer, love suffers, family suffers and ultimately health suffers.

Many know they should stop but cannot. Particularly in 2020, the fantasy persisted psychotically and FOMO (fear of missing out) became a real thing.

Addictions are impulsive, compulsive and obsessive. It is the obsession that leads to life damaging loss of intimacy, income or integrity. Once fully established, it can be very difficult to break.

Today is a new day. Now is the time to step away from whatever bad habit has gripped your soul. It is never too late for a happy ending.

The choice is yours. I’m here to help. See www.kimhalsey.com for a free checklist from our playbook.

​You CAN live your dreams, not their drama.

In the heat of the moment, sometimes we forget that the choice to act or react is ours.  And so are the consequences of those choices.
I was reminded today by my mentor at T.E.D.* The Empowerment Dynamic that when I feel triggered, simply ask myself: “Do I want to add to the drama, and ‘play,’ or to relax and ‘pass’?”  
Rest and digest is an easy way to remember to stay calm.  
What will you choose today?  Pass or play?  Act or react? What hooks you and what heals you?
Your body knows.  Listen closely.  Stay safe no matter what is happening around you.
The choice is yours.
-Kim Halsey​